Help
by 8ounce
Summary: Jade was definitely not who Tori expected to help her. Mentions of self-harm and schizophrenic symptoms. Let me know what you think.
1. Chapter 1

She was shaking. Unconsciously, the thought rose to the forefront of her cluttered mind, but she couldn't do anything about it. Clumsily, her hand rose to fumble with the wetness that was on her cheek. She stared at her hand detachedly. She was crying. _WORTHLESS!_ A single voice suddenly yelled and faded quickly into the swirl of voices crowding her mind, and she jumped, gasping loudly. _You can't do _anything_, you piece of shit._ _What are you doing? You're pathetic, crying by yourself in a dark room._

"I'm not…" She mumbled quietly. "Stop saying that." She clutched vainly at her head, knowing all the while that it would do no good. The voices rose in volume, but no one could hear. No one could help her. She sobbed quietly, and picked up a knife. The voices faded into the distance as she focussed on slicing into her thighs, into her wrists, into her forearms. She watched herself bleed onto the floor, red trickling down tan skin, and she sighed in relief as her ever-present companions faded into mere whispers.

* * *

At school, it was difficult. She forced herself not to interact with them, to not talk back to them, even though they made regular appearances in her everyday life. Sometimes they showed up in real life, just standing there, watching her as she rounded the corner to her locker. Judging her. She wore jeans, and always wore a hoodie or a cardigan, to cover up the story of the night before. To avoid questions. There were times when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, and her head was just too full. There was no room. Music was her salvation during those times. It was something she could focus on to make the voices back off just a little. To allow her room to breathe.

"Tori. TORI!" She jumped, looking up suddenly.

"Sorry," she breathed, as she blinked rapidly to focus on the girl in front of her. "Jade. Hi."

"Hi." The raven-haired girl drawled derisively, with a smirk. "I asked if you were hungry. Actually, Beck asked. Three times. Before I did." Jade rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Tori's eyes flickered briefly over to Jade's boyfriend.

"Yeah. I am. Thanks. I'll just be a sec." She smiled, picking up her bag as Jade stalked off. She opened her locker and pulled out a textbook, fighting to urge to shake it off as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Tori." Beck's voice reached her ear quietly. She turned around as she closed her locker door.

"Yes…?" She asked, as she busied herself with putting her books into her bag.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern touching his features. She laughed, flipping her hair casually over her shoulder.

"Of course." She smiled reassuringly, as they followed Jade out to lunch.

* * *

_You messed it up, loser. He said to act like a middle-aged woman, not an old lady! Why are you here? You're not an actor. You're a fake!_ Tori shook her head to steady herself as she took her seat in class. Even she was disappointed in her performance today. She couldn't believe how badly she had overacted the scene. _Overacted? You might as well have taken a frying pan and whacked the character over the head with it! You wrecked it!_ She massaged her temple discretely, as she tried to focus on something else to dim the voices. As the bell rang, she quickly made her way out of class to the washroom, locking the door and leaning her back against a wall, hyperventilating. She leaned on her elbows over a sink, trying to slow her breathing, before tripping over to a toilet and emptying her stomach's contents into it. Anxiety settled in her chest, crushing her lungs in its grip and forcing her to take shallow breaths. She gingerly got up and hobbled over to the sink to rinse out her mouth, splashing water over her face to calm herself down. Gradually, her breathing slowed and the voices faded in volume a little, so she picked up her bag and left the washroom, sticking an earbud in one ear to have something to focus on. She decided she was going to take a walk in favour of having lunch with her friends, to get her mind off things for a little while, so she snuck off campus to head to the nearby beach. As she sat on a driftwood log, the constant sound of the ocean comforted her, and the voices slowly faded into a whisper.

* * *

"You messed up today, loser!" Tori shook her head as the voice reached her ear, sighing. The faded whispers in her head were good while they had lasted. She tried to focus on the ocean and calm them again. "Hey! I'm talking to you." A hand grabbed her shoulder and Tori jumped up in fear, throwing off the hand.

"Jesus, Jade. You scared me!" As she turned and saw that it was, in fact, a real voice berating her. "I thought you were…" Tori's voice trailed off as she shook her head. "Never mind. Why are you here?" She asked, instead.

"Beck and Andre were concerned since you ran out of class so they told me to go find you. I'm not sure why they thought that _I_ was the best choice to look for _you_, but then again, those two aren't exactly _sane._" Jade said dryly, with her arms crossed over her chest. Tori fiddled with the zipper on her hoodie as Jade spoke, not meeting the other girl's eyes.

"Well, here I am, safe and sound. You can leave now." She smiled, brown eyes flitting up to meet Jade's briefly before looking away again.

"You _are_ here. You _are_ safe. I'm not sure I would go so far as to say….sound." Jade dragged out her words. She reached out to grab Tori's chin and tilted her face up to look at her. Tori's jaw clenched and she forced herself to stay still.

"Please…don't touch me." She said through her teeth. Jade smirked, but didn't acquiesce to the request. Tori took a deep breath and tried again. "Please…let go of my…face."

"No." The Goth grinned, showing teeth. Green eyes met amber and Tori's gaze flickered to land on the ice cream truck behind Jade. Anxiety settled into Tori's chest once more as her breathing sped up.

"Let go. I can't…breathe…" She gasped, yanking her chin away from Jade's grasp, picking up her bag and sprinting away from the other girl.

"Tori! Wait!" Jade called, chasing after her.

_Keep running. You can't talk to her. She thinks you're a freak now. RUN, GODDAMMIT! WHY ARE YOU SO USELESS?! SHE'S GOING TO CATCH YOU! _The volume increased, the multitude of voices swirling around her head screaming insults at her from seemingly every direction.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" She screamed. Tears poured down Tori's face as she ran, sobs wrenched from her mouth as she ran blindly, away from the judgment she knew would come. She couldn't focus on anything, her mind jumping sporadically between voices and events that had happened during the week. She felt carpet underneath her feet, and that was the last thing she remembered before she blacked out.

* * *

_Oh, good. You're awake. _She blinked slowly as she came to, surprised to find herself staring up at the ceiling of her room. She groaned as she sat up, wincing as she saw the bruise on her elbow that must have come from passing out. She looked around, her movement stilling when she saw a familiar figure sitting with her back to the door. _Here we go, Tori. Looks like we won't be the only ones talking shit to you anymore._ Tori shook her head to dim the cackling.

"No...stop..." She muttered, clutching her head.

"Tori." Jade murmured, moving to sit, cross-legged, in front of the singer. Tori clutched at her head, oblivious to the fact that someone was talking to her. "Tori." Jade tried again, and amber eyes snapped up to meet hers.

"What?" She spat, anger burning in her eyes. Jade blinked and reeled, having never seen the girl angry before. "Go ahead. Judge me. The fuck do I care?" Tori sneered, and this time it was _Tori_ who crossed her arms.

"Do your parents know?" The Goth asked gently, taking care not to touch the other girl.

"Yeah. They do. Notice there's a fucking padlock on my door? Notice how nobody's ever home?" Tori taunted, curling her lip. Jade sighed.

"Look. I know you're probably angry – "

" – probably? Give the girl a fucking Nobel prize, she just realized that I'm angry!" Tori laughed hysterically, tears welling in her eyes. _You're a fucking asshole._ "Oh, I'm the asshole? I'm the asshole. How many times have you people told me I'm worthless?!" She screamed at the crowd of sneering people standing behind Jade. Jade looked behind her, and back at Tori.

"Tori. There's nobody there."

"Don't you lie to me! You've all been ganging up on me." Tori laughed, swiping angrily at the tears. "How does it feel, now that you're all together in one room?"

"TORI. It's just me in here." Jade yelled, grasping Tori's shoulders to steady her.

"STOP LYING TO ME! HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH?!" Tori screamed, sobbing hysterically, doubled over in pain. Jade pulled the girl into her lap and wrapped her arms tightly around her, so she couldn't hurt herself. "Why does nobody care?" Tori sobbed painfully into Jade's shoulder.

"I don't know, Tor. But I'm here for you now. I'm sorry, Tor. I'm sorry." The Goth repeated over and over again, until Tori fell asleep.

* * *

When she woke up again, she didn't recognize the ceiling. She sat up quickly, wincing at the pain in her hand.

"I brought you here." Jade said quietly, curled up in a chair beside her bed. "The psychiatrist put you on some antipsychotics to help you for a little bit. She said you're probably schizophrenic."

"I don't hear them." Tori whispered, feeling her head gingerly. Jade nodded, anxiously gnawing at her thumbnail.

"I didn't know how you would react." Jade whispered. Tears welled up in Tori's eyes. Jade stumbled towards her. "I'm sorry. I just thought it would help – "

" – thank you." Tori breathed, clutching Jade's hands in her own. "Thank you so much." Jade wiped tears off her own cheeks as she smiled.

"I'll be here for you, Tor. Always."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Anybody who thinks this is going to be Jori endgame is going to greatly disappointed. Just thought I'd put that out** **there.**

* * *

"I can't stay here overnight." Tori suddenly sat up. It was six in the evening, and Jade had sat quietly by her side through the exams and evaluations.

"Tori, you have to. What happens if you have an episode at home?" Jade sighed, brushing her fingers through her inky locks.

"Jade, we have school tomorrow." Tori tried to articulate through the anxious clawing in her chest as she felt a panic attack looming.

"Yes. Thank you. I am well aware." Jade rolled her eyes and smirked, sinking back into her chair.

"Jade." Tori breathed, trying to hold her anxiety at bay for the remainder of the conversation, already feeling the beginnings of the all-too-familiar pressure on her lungs. Her fists clenched under the covers at the bedding, trying to keep her cool.

"Tori." Jade parroted dryly, crossing her arms.

"I…" Too late was the attempt at articulating her fears; the possibility of the talk that would begin if she didn't show up at school tomorrow and was hospitalised clawed at her insides, burning like acid.

"Tori?" Jade stood, peering concernedly at the other girl, who was paralyzed with anxiety and fear. "Tori!" Jade spoke again, sharply. Quickly, she grasped Tori's shoulders firmly, forcing the other girl's eyes to meet her emerald ones. "Tori, you're okay. You're in a hospital with me. I'm Jade. I'm the one who brought you here when you collapsed." She kept stating facts in a calm voice, all the while pressing the call button for the psychiatrist. Tori kept gasping for air, eyes flitting quickly all over the room, never focussing on one thing. Jade was gently moved aside, as the psychiatrist called for a sedative, and the other girl watched sadly as Tori was once again put into a calming trance, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"What did she say caused the panic attack?" The tall blonde sat down beside Jade. The psychiatrist had a calming effect, and Jade appreciated her presence.

"I don't know. We were having a normal conversation, and then all of a sudden something changed." Jade shook her head, discretely swiping away a tear. She fidgeted with a loose thread, looking dejectedly at her friend, lying soullessly on the hospital bed.

"What were you guys talking about?" The doctor inquired gently, squatting in front of the Goth to meet her eyes.

"I don't know. She was talking about not staying here overnight, I think. And then I think we spoke briefly about school?" Jade squinted, trying to remember. The shock of a sudden panic attack had scattered her thoughts, and she had felt very helpless. It wasn't a feeling she liked. She sighed, raking her hands through her long hair again. "Look, can I take her home? Can't you brief me or something? Or give her something?"

"Okay. So…school may have been a stressor. Look, I know she's unhappy to be here. But I want to observe her for a couple more days." The blonde sighed, pulling out a notepad and jotting some things down.

"But she hates it here. And I think word has already gotten out that she's been hospitalized. Not that I would've _mentioned_ it to her." Jade stood, frustrated, and began to pace the room. "What if she has to change schools? That would _kill_ her." The pale brunette looked out the window, not really seeing anything.

"Jade." The brunette refused to turn, blinking away tears. Her hands fisted in her own hair as she tugged gently in anger and helplessness. "Jade." The psychiatrist stood patiently behind Goth, waiting for her to turn around. "Jade, I can't release her. Her parents aren't here. Especially since they haven't visited since she was hospitalized. I had the receptionist call them. They didn't even pick up." The brunette spun on her heels.

"Release her to _me._" She said fiercely, pointing at herself. "Her parents lock her up in a room. They don't care about her."

"And you do?" The blonde's eyebrow quirked, as a gentle smile played about her mouth.

"She…I…." Jade stammered, embarrassed. "Tori…helped me. Lots. Since she arrived she's been nothing but light. And I…it's just not right that she has to go through this alone after all she's done for me." She shoved her hands into her pockets, staring at the toes of her combat boots.

"I'm not going to release her to you if this is a debt you have to repay." The psychiatrist prodded, pushing the girl to say exactly what she meant.

"Fine. Yes. I care about her. She's my friend. My best friend. Okay? She's the only one who willingly listened to me when my parents got divorced." Jade took a deep breath. "Hollywood Arts is full of self-absorbed actors and musicians. Tori is…not." Jade spoke solemnly, finally meeting the blonde's eyes.

"So who are you living with now?" The doctor asked, pulling out her notepad again.

"My mom. She's a successful actress, and I'm pretty self-sufficient, so I can take care of Tori. I just…need to learn how…" Jade said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. The blonde laughed.

"Don't worry. I'll tell you what you need to know for now. Look, why don't you call your mom and ask her first? Then I'll have someone run a background check on her to make sure everything checks out." The blonde led her to the receptionist's desk. "You'd better use this phone."

* * *

As Tori's sedative wore off, she found herself staring blankly at the tiled ceiling of her hospital room. She sat up gingerly, feeling as if her brain was swimming around in liquid, and swung her legs off the side of her bed. Slowly, she got into her shoes and shuffled around the empty room, looking out the window. A tear made its way down her face as she realized Jade had left.

"What am I gonna do?" She breathed fearfully to herself, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. Pain blossomed in her chest as she realized that nobody was going to come get her. She traced the stitches on her arms gingerly, wincing as she saw how bad they looked. She jumped as she suddenly realized she wasn't alone. She shuffled slowly towards the scared-looking child sniffling in the corner of the room. She knelt in front of him. "Hey, sweetie. Are you lost?" The child nodded, hiding behind his hands. "Where's your mommy?" She asked gently, suddenly aware of the sound of breathing behind her. She turned around to look, but there was nobody there. When she turned back to the child, he had started sobbing. Helplessly, she looked around for somebody, but the room remained empty.

"Mommy…gone…" The child wailed, sliding to the floor and curling into a ball in the corner. She reached for a pillow on the chair beside her bed and held it out to the child, but he never looked up.

"Tori?" A voice came from behind her and she jumped, quickly standing up.

"Mom?" She breathed, hardly daring to believe it. She reached for her mother's hand, but she backed away.

"What are you doing here?" The older woman asked fearfully, staring at the child. "Is that your child?"

"No! He's lost." Tori explained, inching closer to her mother. "Are you here to take me home?" She asked, hopefully.

"No. No I'm not." And with that, her mother turned and walked from the room.

"Mom!" Tori yelled, rushing after her mother into the hallway. She ran down the hallway, chasing after her. When she reached the reception, she stopped. There was a split into two other hallways. "Mom!" Tori yelled again, hoping her mother would return. "Mom…" She sobbed, pain digging into her side at the abandonment. She was alone. Her own mother had left. "Mom…" She cried, as she sank to the floor. A hand grasped her arm and pulled her up into warm arms, and she sobbed into someone's shoulder. "Mom…" She continued to cry for the mother who didn't care, who didn't understand. A hand rubbed reassuring circles on her back.

"Shhh…Tori. It's okay. I got you." Jade murmured, clutching the girl tightly, rocking her soothingly. Jade peered at the psychiatrist inquiringly, and the blonde nodded reassuringly. "Let's go back to your room." Jade murmured, taking Tori by the hand.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ms. West?" A nurse poked her head into the room, where Dr. Daniels was currently asking Tori some more questions about the most recent episode. Jade looked up.

"Yes?"

"Your mother is here. We need for her to sign some forms before…" The nurse's voice trailed off, not wanting to agitate Tori. Jade nodded understandingly. She looked down at Tori, patting her arm.

"I'll be right back, Tor." The singer nodded, before returning her attention to the psychiatrist. Jade closed the door gently before striding down the hall to the receptionist's desk.

"Hey, honey." Melissa Kane held her arms out for Jade to walk into. "How is she?"

"Dr. Daniels is asking her a couple more questions before they release her." Jade held on to her mother, drawing what comfort she could.

"You okay?" The older woman mumbled into her daughter's hair. Jade nodded, turning to the receptionist.

"Is everything in order?" Jade asked, leaning over the counter expectantly. The other woman nodded, before handing the Goth a stack of papers.

"These are for your mother to sign. We're releasing Ms. Vega into your care, Mrs. West."

"Oh, actually it's Ms. Kane." Jade's mother smiled, taking the papers.

"That's fine. They're not specific to your last name." The receptionist nodded understandingly.

"Mom, if you're fine here, I'm gonna go back to Tori's room." Jade turned to her mother.

"Actually, I want to talk to you, if you don't mind. Just for a quick minute." Melissa turned to her daughter.

"Okay." Jade fidgeted, waiting for her mother to sign the appropriate papers and provide the correct information. After the receptionist checked the forms and gave her approval, her mother pulled her outside of the hospital. "What did you want to talk about?" Jade asked, looking at her toes. Her mother gently tilted her chin up.

"Jade, honey, I don't know this girl." Her mother sighed, grasping her daughter's hands. "I have no experience dealing with schizophrenia." Tears welled up in Jade's eyes.

"You don't want her." Jade whispered brokenly, wiping a tear away.

"Jade, if I didn't want to help I wouldn't have signed the papers." Her mother said, sternly, and Jade looked up, surprised. "I just need some…context, darling." Her mother looked at her with compassion. "I know how much she helped you when your father and I were going through the divorce. I want to help her. I just am not…entirely sure how."

"She has these episodes. Like she hallucinates sometimes. And she has delusions. But other than that, mom, it's just like my depression." Jade looked imploringly up at her mother.

"The cutting?"

"It's the same. She's depressed, and emotionally unstable. Just like I was before." Jade stated firmly. "Look, I can deal with the episodes. Dr. Daniels explained everything to me. I can take care of her."

"Jade, I don't doubt that, honey. But who's going to take care of _you_?" Warm hands framed a pale, determined face.

"You." Jade whispered, blinking back tears. "Just like always." She gave her mother a watery smile. "Mom, her parents never even came to see her." Her voice broke, and tears slid down her face.

"Oh, baby." Her mother murmured, folding Jade into her arms. Jade let herself cry for the first time since she had ran after Tori, sobbing painfully in the shelter of her mother's arms. Melissa held her daughter, stroking her hair soothingly, rocking her until she stopped crying. She pulled a packet of tissues from her purse to hand to Jade. "You ready to go back in?" She asked, wiping away a tear gently on her daughter's face.

"Yeah." Jade nodded, blowing her nose.

* * *

"Tori." Jade sat down beside the bed, grabbing her hand. The singer turned, smiling.

"Jade." She mocked dryly, crossing her arms jokingly.

"Tori, Jade and her mother are going to take you home with them so you can go back to school tomorrow." Dr. Daniels sat on the edge of Tori's bed.

"Really?" Tori breathed, amber eyes lighting up.

"Really." Dr. Daniels nodded, smiling. "On one condition."

"Anything." Tori whispered happily, squeezing Jade's hand.

"Jade agreed to help you with this too, so I'm going to ask you to come in before school and after school to do a short interview with me just to check in."

"Okay." Tori replied immediately, as she swung her legs over the side of her bed. Dr. Daniels held up her hand.

"Wait." And Tori stilled, legs dangling. Dr. Daniels produced a large duffel bag and Tori's school bag.

"Your sister packed some clothes for you when Ms. Kane stopped by your house earlier." The psychiatrist handed the bag over to the singer. "You might want to get changed before you leave." She grinned, hoisting the bag onto the bed. Tori ran over to wrap her arms around Jade's mother.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou…" Tori squealed happily. Ms. Kane extricated herself from the younger girl's arms and placed her hands on Tori's shoulders.

"Tori. I just want you to get better." She said, solemnly. Tori's eyes welled up, and she threw her arms around Jade's mother again.

"Thank you." She whispered, tears streaming down her face.

* * *

"Here we are." Jade unlocked the door, dropping her school bag on the floor with a thump. She took Tori's bags from her and set them on the floor beside hers.

"Good grief, is it nine already? I'm hungry. Anybody else?" Melissa hung up her jacket in the closet and put her purse down. Jade raised her hand.

"Me. Tori?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." Tori wandered into the living room. "Your house is decorated beautifully, Ms. Kane."

"You're sweet. And it's Melissa." Jade's mother made her way into the kitchen. "Pasta okay?" She called.

"Yeah." Jade called back, picking up her bag. "Come on, Tor, let's go put our stuff upstairs."

"Okay." Tori grabbed her bags and followed Jade up the stairs. Once she dropped her stuff in Jade's room, she flopped onto Jade's bed.

"Rude." Jade rolled her eyes, chucking a white paper bag at Tori. "Here. Dr. Daniels prescribed Klonopin for the anxiety. She said to take one a day, and to bring you back if you have episodes."

"What about antipsychotics?" Tori asked, deflated, as she set the orange pill bottle on the nightstand.

"She said she'll prescribe some in a couple of days after she's talked to you for a bit." Jade shuffled around the room, unpacking her textbooks onto her desk and moving clothes around to make room for Tori's belongings. The sounds calmed Tori, drowning out the swirl of voices briefly.

"Jade, are you sure it's a good idea for me to be here?" Tori asked hesitantly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Why, do you want to go back?" Jade turned in her chair to face her.

"I'm starting to think it might be a good idea." She muttered, looking at her shoes. Jade raked her hand through her hair.

"Okay. Well, why don't you leave your stuff here for now?" She said, squatting in front of Tori. The singer nodded, taking the orange bottle and cramming it into her pocket. "I'll drive you back now, okay?"

"Thanks." Tori murmured, stepping into her shoes.

"Mom! Tori wants to go back to the hospital! I'll drive her!" Jade called, slipping her feet into a pair of flip flops and snatching her keys off a hook.

"Okay! Drive safely, honey!"


	4. Chapter 4

She was late, and being late was her pet peeve. Jade had overslept, and was speeding towards school after having hurriedly dropped off Tori's things. On top of that, she had forgotten her tumbler of hot coffee on the kitchen counter, as well as her antidepressant.

"Oh, I'm gonna rip some faces off today." She muttered angrily under her breath, as she peeled into the school parking lot. She grabbed her bag and stalked towards her locker.

"Ms. West! Your presence is requested in the guidance counsellor's office!" Sikowitz's voice rang out in the hallway just as she had slammed her locker shut.

"Great. Thank you. Thank you so very much." She muttered under her breath and stomped to the counselling centre, ripping open the door. "What do you _want_?" She snarled, slamming the door behind her.

"Ah…Jade. Nice of you to join me." Lane spun in his chair and peered at the fuming girl in front of him. "Have a seat." He gestured to the couch.

"No. I'm here. Say what you need to say. I'm missing class." She growled, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall.

"Suit yourself. I would just like to know where you were during the last two periods yesterday." Lane smiled.

"Home." She said curtly, flipping her hair impatiently over her shoulder.

"May I inquire as to why?"

"Cramps." She hissed at him.

"And do you have a note from your mother?"

"My mother is currently shooting a movie. So, no. I don't have a note from her." She sneered, lip curling in distaste. "Now, are we done here?"

"Not quite. I would also like to know where Ms. Vega was yesterday at around the same time." He peered concernedly at her.

"In the hospital." She said shortly, suddenly very still. Her mind churned to conjure up a cover-up.

"In the hospital. Now, why would she have been there? And how would you have known?" Lane inquired.

"Are you kidding? It's all over the freakin' internet!" She said incredulously, picking up her bag. "Now, are we done here?" She asked, wrenching open the door impatiently.

"Yes. Thank you, Jade." He said, as the door was slammed angrily shut.

* * *

"Did you hear that Tori Vega went crazy? Apparently she killed someone and now she's gone crazy in the hospital."

"No, I heard that she just went nuts in the girls' bathroom. And then they had to call the police and everything."

"Guys, it says on the Slap that she was hospitalised because her parents beat her."

The whispers were everywhere. Anger bubbled inside of Jade, and she knew it probably had something to do with missing her antidepressant this morning, but she didn't care. She had already shoved two cheerleaders into walls today, and it wasn't even lunch.

"Hey, Jade, did you hear what happened to…" The preppy voice trailed off as she slowly turned around to level the airheaded sophomore a glare. She slowly reached out and grabbed the girl's collar, pushing her into a wall.

"What did you say to me?" She snarled angrily, getting right up into the terrified student's face.

"N-nothing." She stammered nervously, eyes darting around to find an escape. A crowd had formed around them.

"Perfect." Jade murmured. She released the girl. "Listen up, you bunch of fucking idiots!" She yelled, looking around at the fearful faces around her. "The next person I hear talking about Tori Vega is going to regret it very, very much. Is that clear?" Her voice projected over the heads of the students, many of whom nodded furiously. "I SAID IS THAT CLEAR?!" She screamed, glaring at individual students.

"Yes…" They muttered, before scattering to their respective tables. She stalked off to her car. She would go visit Tori during her lunch hour.

* * *

"Hey, Tor." She sat down across from the singer, who looked up from her book.

"Hey." A grin stretched comfortably across her face. "How was school this morning?"

"Infuriating." Jade growled, tucking her legs under her. "As usual." She spat, sipping her coffee.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad. You just have an unfounded hatred for people." Tori said easily, carefully slipping her bookmark between the pages and closing it. They were in a different room, with comfortable armchairs and carpet. Windows cast a natural light into the room, and there was a nice flat screen hanging on a wall, silently playing a Dodgers game.

"They're saying horrible things about you." Jade said, hesitantly, not wanting to trigger the singer.

"I've always wanted to be popular." Tori smiled, and then looked back at her friend in alarm. "You didn't beat anybody up today, did you?"

"No…?" Jade grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Jade…" Tori sighed resignedly. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" Jade insisted.

"Jade." Tori looked at her sternly.

"Fine. I just…scared them." Jade admitted quietly. "I didn't hurt them!" She whined, throwing her hands in the air.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Well, stop putting the fear of God into the student body, yeah?" Tori scolded. Jade huffed and rolled her eyes.

"You look better today." Jade's voice softened, smiling back at her friend.

"Well, we're still working on a better fit for me. I still kinda feel like I'm walking around underwater." Tori frowned, setting her book down on the floor.

"It'll take some time." Jade offered, fiddling with her paper cup. She shuffled her legs onto the ground.

"Jade, stop fidgeting." Tori murmured.

"I can't." She huffed, taking another sip of coffee. Tori's eyes slid up to meet hers.

"You forgot." She stated flatly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jade said, looking away guiltily.

"Jade!" Tori said, firmly. "What happened?"

"I was running late this morning. I overslept." She sighed, fiddling with the ends of her hair.

"Then you should've gone straight to school." Tori reprimanded, staunchly. "I'm serious, Jade. Your recovery comes first for you."

"You know, you'd be suuuuper convincing if you weren't slurring like a drunk." Jade smirked, setting down her empty coffee cup. Tori sighed.

"It's the Klonopin." She rolled her eyes. "And don't change the subject."

"Keep it up and you'll get kicked out of Hollywood Arts for recreational drug use." Jade mocked, grinning mischievously.

"Shut it, West." Tori quipped. "Go home and take your meds." She grinned, shoving the Goth out the door.

"Good luck, Tor." Jade turned to smile at her friend, waggling her fingers playfully.

"Get out of here, West."


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey." Beck materialised beside her as soon as she got to her locker, pecking her on the cheek.

"Hey." She replied, taking some books from her locker. "Just ask. You clearly want to." She said, after a long silence.

"Okay. How is she?" Beck wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. Jade turned her head to look at him.

"She's fine. Resting. Working through meds. Same old, same old." She smiled. "I'm glad you're concerned." She pecked him on the nose.

"Well, she's my friend too." He shrugged, before leaning on the locker next to hers. "You missed lunch."

"Yeah, I stopped by to see how she was doing." She took a sip of the coffee she had picked up on her way back to school, after stopping by her place to take her antidepressant and pouring a tumbler of cold, stale coffee down the drain.

"Ergo…" He flourished a salad. She gave him a look.

"I have never, in my life, had someone _brandish_ a _salad_ at me." Her lips twitched.

"C'mon, it's sweet of me." Her lips continued to twitch.

"I refuse to smile." She mumbled, hiding her face behind a textbook. He snatched the book and handed her the salad.

"Come, we are late for class, oh dweller of the evils." He bowed mockingly to her, and she snickered. "I'll take it!" He yelled triumphantly, thrusting the textbook into the air.

"You're such a dork."

* * *

"She's fine." Jade reassured Andre, Robbie and Cat. They had gathered around her right after Sikowitz's class, wondering about Tori.

"But what happened to her?" Andre frowned, confused. "She just hustled out of class like a rabbit during hunting season." Cat giggled quietly to herself.

"She's sad, isn't she?" The petite redhead's lips also turned down into a frown.

"Yeah, she's sad. But she's doing okay for now." Jade nodded, lifting her books into her locker.

"When can we see her?" Robbie asked, for once without Rex.

"I don't know." Jade furrowed her brow. "I don't think it should be more than a couple of days before she's back." She sad, thoughtfully.

"We have to wait until she's back at school?" Andre's brows shot up in disbelief. "But I want to see her now!"

"Yes." Jade glared at him. "She's not on vacation. She's recovering from a mental breakdown." She frowned at Andre.

"Sorry." He mumbled, ashamed. The guys walked off, and Jade was left deciding which books to bring home.

"Jade?" Cat asked in a small voice.

"Yeah?" She turned to look at the girl. "I find it wonderful that you're still scared of me, by the way." The redhead giggled at the comment, pulling something out of her bag.

"Will you give this to Tori?" The redhead thrust a pink envelope at Jade hopefully.

"Sure." Jade smiled. "What is it?"

"It's a card. You should sign it, too. Everybody did. I bought it yesterday."

"She'll love it." Jade tucked it carefully into her bag after signing her name.

"I'm not scared of you!" Cat gave the Goth a quick hug before scurrying away.

"Riiiiight." Jade rolled her eyes, amused.

* * *

"Jade?" The Goth looked up from scribbling in her notebook. Somewhere between the end of school and now Tori had fallen asleep in her armchair, book abandoned on the floor.

"How was your nap?" Jade drawled, handing her a bottle of water. Tori grimaced, gulping down the water.

"My mouth is so freakin' dry it's like the middle of July in Texas."

"So…good." Jade smirked, turning her attention back to her homework.

"Cha doin'?" Tori peered at the elegant scrawl.

"Song." Jade mumbled around the pen in her mouth.

"Concert next week?" Tori asked, stretching her arms above her head. She walked over to a bookshelf and slotted her book back into its place.

"Yeah. I was thinking we could sing this one together." Jade muttered, still scribbling.

"Well, that depends. Is it any good?" The singer grinned as Jade shoved her arm. "Okay, fine. Sorry." She laughed.

"Yeah. It's about a girl who gets kicked out of school for recreational drug use." Jade deadpanned, grinning as Tori crossed her arms.

"Ugh. Fine. I'll sing your stupid song." Tori laughed, curling up in her chair again.

"Tori? A word outside, please?" Tori looked surprised, but got up to follow the psychiatrist.

"Hey, Dr. Daniels." Jade waved.

"Kate. How many times do I have to tell you two?" The blonde shook her head, smiling.

"What's up?" Tori asked as the door shut behind her.

"Look, to be completely honest, I'm a little concerned." The psychiatrist dragged her hand through her straight, blonde locks.

"What about?"

"You've been here three days, Tori. Where are your parents?" Kate asked softly. Tori sighed.

"They're…at work." She frowned, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"I want to release you for a couple of days, Tori, but I'm a little concerned as to where your legal guardian is."

"I'll be fine with Jade." Tori said resolutely, fiddling with a ring on her finger.

"Of that I have no doubt. But I need to know, Tori." Kate pried gently. There was a long, stark silence.

"I don't know." Tori spoke quietly. "They've locked me in my bedroom for as long as I can remember hearing voices. I don't know where they go. I guess I could ask Trina, but the truth is I really don't want to know."

"Okay." Kate sighed, pulling out her notebook. "Look, I'll have someone track them down and notify them about what's happening."

"Why didn't you do that before?" Tori asked, puzzled. "You have their names on file, don't you?"

"Yes, but I wanted your permission." Kate murmured, slipping the notebook back into her pocket. "I can't _make_ you do anything, Tori. That's not why I'm here."

"I've been meaning to ask. Why did you let me go home with Jade and her mother if you knew I wasn't ready?"

"You wanted to." Kate said simply. "I can't make you stay here if you don't want to, Tori. You're 16. You should be making decisions for yourself."

"But, if you're not here to make those decisions for me, what are you doing here?" Tori asked, frustrated.

"I'm here to give you options. To provide another way out if the decision you make isn't the right one for you. The night you left, I made it _very _clear to Jade that she was to tell you that you could come back if it didn't feel right." Kate smiled, grasping one of Tori's hands in her own. "You know, better than I do, what feels right for you. If something feels wrong, I'll give you options until you find one that feels _right_. It's just like the meds we were going through. We'll keep trying new combinations until something feels right, Tori. I can't tell you which option is the right one. You have to decide that for yourself."

"Thanks, Dr. Daniels." Tori smiled.

"For the love of…" The blonde muttered to herself. "Go on, get out of here and join your irritating friend in there." She pushed her gently towards the door and smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

Despite Jade insisting that she didn't mind sleeping on the mattress, Tori found herself staring at yet another unfamiliar ceiling come bedtime, kept company by the much-quieted whispers at the back of her mind. She forced herself to think about something other than going back to school tomorrow and the gnawing feeling of dread that settled in her stomach, but found that her thoughts inevitably ended back there. Finally, she couldn't stand laying there anymore and she got up, making her way downstairs to the kitchen.

"Oh sorry, Ms. Kane. I didn't mean to intrude –"

"—don't be ridiculous." The older woman gestured to the empty seat across from her, closing her script and setting it aside. "Couldn't sleep?"

"No."

"Me neither. First days are hard on everyone." Melissa smiled benignly at the young girl. She gestured at the script beside her. "First day on set tomorrow."

"You still get nervous about that?" Tori asked in disbelief.

"Oh yeah. Anxiety like you wouldn't _believe_." Jade's mother grinned. "Meeting new people, making a good impression, not getting _fired_. Jade gets nervous, too. Don't let her lie to you. I remember when she told me there was a new girl at her school. She was so nervous every morning for two weeks. She said she wanted to make a good impression. I guess she didn't, if you guys are still friends."

"Yeah, she was awful to me." Tori giggled, recalling her first weeks at Hollywood Arts.

"That's her idea of making a good impression." Melissa smiled, shaking her head. "I never got a chance to thank you, Tori."

"What for?" Tori asked, confused. Melissa sighed.

"Jade's father and I had a tough divorce. I had known before it that Jade was depressed. It was a tough couple of months for everyone. I know you took care of her during that time. Thank you." Jade's mother placed a hand on Tori's forearm.

"Thank _you_, Ms Kane. For taking me in." Tori shook her head, shrugging off the thanks. "As for Jade, that's just normal human decency. No thanks needed."

"Well, it's the least that I can do." Melissa got up and yawned. "Bedtime for me. Try and get some sleep, Tori. Big day tomorrow." She smiled, and Tori followed her upstairs.

* * *

"They're staring." Jade muttered, as she and Tori strode into school the next morning. Tori laughed.

"You're more concerned than I am." Tori smiled, making her way to her locker to grab some books.

"I'll kill them." Tori jumped as Jade reappeared beside her.

"Jesus, Jade. Stop jumping out at me. You'll kill _me_ before you kill anyone else."

"Sorry." Jade muttered, taking a swallow of coffee. "How are your voices?"

"Under control." Tori replied quietly. "Stop worrying. What do we have right now?"

"Yonders. History." Jade groaned, banging her head against a locker.

"Come on. Now they're staring at _you_." Tori laughed, Jade spun around.

"Where – "

"—kidding. Come on, we're late."

* * *

"Tori!" Cat's voice preceded her as she tackled the singer, squeezing her tightly.

"Cat!" Tori laughed, hugging her back.

"Jade!" Jade exclaimed dryly, taking a seat and pulling out her lunch.

"Come sit!" Cat squealed, dragging Tori over to the table. Jade stabbed moodily at her salad.

"You're hurting your salad again." Beck said as he gave Jade a kiss hello. He placed a hand on Tori's shoulder. "You doing okay?"

"Mmhm." She mumbled around her slice of pizza. Suddenly, a group of cheerleaders walked behind her.

"Hey, Tori, how are you feeling? Hope you don't suddenly collapse in class or something!" They smirked. Jade snarled, jumping from her seat, and the cheerleaders backed away slowly. Tori got up, tugging on Jade's hand.

"Not worth it." Tori said soothingly. "I'm just glad they weren't a figment of my imagination." She smiled, pulling Jade down to her seat. As soon as they were seated, a couple of male dancers walked by.

"Hey Tori! How was the crazy house?" They called, whooping and high-fiving each other. This time it was Beck who got up, slamming one of them against a wall and clocking the other with a right hook.

"Oh yeah, you're so tough, making fun of a teenage girl. Do your mothers know they raised a pair of wimps?" Beck sneered, shoving them away. They slinked off, and he sat back down. "They're getting on my nerves."

"They're getting on everyone's nerves." Andre rolled his eyes as he joined them. "Nice to see you back, Tori." He reached over to high-five Beck.

"Thanks!" She smiled tightly, taking a sip of water.

"Hey. Don't let them get to you." Andre reassured her, taking a bite out of his burrito. Jade nodded in agreement.

"They're a bunch of losers." She mumbled around her salad.

"Thanks." Tori smiled, but the whispers were getting louder as the day progressed, and she was getting a little worried.

* * *

She was sitting in Sikowitz's class when she heard it. There was someone whispering her name. It was loud enough to draw her attention, and so she looked around discretely, to see if someone was messing with her. As soon as Jade sat down, Tori tugged her closer, cupping her hands around the other girl's ear so no one would hear.

"Is there someone whispering my name?" Tori asked in a hushed tone. Jade shrugged.

"I'll let you know if I hear it." She muttered back, straightening in her seat. But there were no more whispers for the rest of class, and so Tori brushed it off as her overactive imagination, and didn't mention it again. Throughout the week, she would hear the whisper periodically, but always when she was alone, so she couldn't ask for a second opinion.

"I don't understand." She burst out, frustrated to Dr. Daniels one day. "I hear nothing else but this stupid little whisper and it's driving me absolutely insane." She rubbed her hands over her face. "I can't sleep, cause I keep thinking about it, and it's making me want to kill myself!"

"Well, what do you want to do?" Dr. Daniels asked, jotting down what she said. "Do you want to switch up the meds to see if it helps?"

"Maybe." Tori nodded.

"Did you talk to Jade about it?" Dr. Daniels asked, writing out a new prescription.

"I asked her the first time, but it always happens when she's not there." Tori whispered, on the verge of tears.

Unfortunately for her, the switch-up of the medication did nothing to get rid of the voice, and to make matters worse, they clouded her judgment most of the time, making her feel dazed and bogged down.

"It's not working this time, is it…" Jade stated one night when they were in her room, doing their homework. Tori looked up, staring blankly at the other girl. "The meds." Jade clarified, and it was a while before she got a reaction from the singer.

"Yeah, I'm trying something new." She slurred, before lowering her eyes back to the paper.

"Why?" Jade asked patiently, waiting for an answer.

"Oh, the other didn't really feel good. So we switched to see if this combination would better feel. Feel better." Tori said slowly, barely getting all her words out in the right order.

"Bullshit."

"Wha…?" Tori looked up slowly, confused.

"Bullshit. You didn't switch because it didn't feel right. You said last time that it was the best one so far." Jade stood in front of Tori, shutting the notebook the other girl had been writing in. "Why'd you ask for a switch, Tori?" Tori sighed and flopped back on the bed. Jade sat on the bed and pulled Tori's head into her lap. "What's going on, Tor?"

"Been hearin' this voice." She spoke slowly.

"Only one?" Tori nodded.

"Jus' whisperin' my name."

"…last week in Sikowitz's class?"

"Yeah. That's the one."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jade asked, combing her fingers through Tori's hair.

"S'never there when you are." The singer closed her eyes.

"I don't think it's you." Jade said, stilling her hands in the other girl's hair.

"S'not?" Tori opened her eyes.

"I think someone's messing with you." Jade tensed, anger burning in her eyes.

"Jade, don't." Tori shook her head slowly.

"Don't what? I'm gonna find the bastard." Jade growled, clenching her fists. Tori cried out.

"Jade! Hair!"

"Oh. Sorry." The Goth continued to gently card her fingers through dark brown hair. "You haven't been sleeping either, have you?" Tori shook her head, yawning. "Have you been cutting?"

"…nooo…" Tori whined, after a long silence.

"You have." Jade shook her head. "When I find this fucker…"

"What if s'me?" Tori murmured, tears spilling out of the corners of her eyes. Jade shook her head.

"It's not you."

"How d'you know?" Tori looked up into Jade's eyes.

"You've never told me about a single voice whispering your name before." Jade said resolutely. Her voice softened. "Get to sleep, Tor. You need it." Jade murmured, as Tori's eyes slowly closed.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: If you're bullied or ever feel like you're alone, you're not. Call somebody to talk. Your life is a precious gift. Use this link to find a help line in your country. **

**Put in mentalillnessmouse and then Tumblr, followed by this [post/25882395189/here-are-some-help-lines-for-all-over-the-world]**

** Tori and Jade are getting help. You can too. That said, this chapter is a heavy one. If you can be triggered, read at your own discretion.**

* * *

"You're sure?" Beck asked, as they walked to lunch, hand in hand.

"Positive." Jade gritted, adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder.

"It's _that_ kid?" Beck asked incredulously, as they strode past a skinny kid with glasses who was glaring at them.

"_Yes._" Jade replied emphatically, as they sat down. She looked around. "Where's Tori?"

"She said she had to go to the bathroom." Andre replied, carefully biting into a sandwich.

"I'll be right back." She kissed Beck, and made her way over to the girl's bathroom nearest Tori's locker. She pushed at the door, but it was locked, so she rummaged in her bag until she came up with a set of lock picks. A satisfying click put a smile on her face as she slipped through the door, locking it behind her. "Tor?" Her voice echoed, bouncing off the walls. She stepped gingerly, careful not to make any loud noises, in case the singer was having an episode. A quiet moan turned her head, and her eyes landed on the crumpled form of her friend in a corner. "Tori, what happened?" She rummaged through the singer's bag, knowing that her friend kept first aid necessities in her school bag. She wrapped the sterile gauze quickly and neatly around the deep slash on Tori's arm and hauled her friend up, slinging both of the bags onto her shoulder and scrambling for her phone, immediately dialling Dr. Daniels.

"Dr. Kate Daniels."

"Dr. Daniels, it's me. I'm bringing Tori to the hospital."

"Jade. What happened?" The psychiatrist's voice was urgent, clipped.

"I found her in the bathroom, bleeding."

"I'll meet you in emergency."

"On my way now." Jade replied, belting Tori into her car and racing out of the parking lot, tires squealing.

* * *

"Good thing you got her here when you did." The doctor's voice was low. "She lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stabilize her. She'll be fine for now." He opened the door to let her into the room. Jade slumped into the chair beside the bed, sighing.

"Well, this is eerily familiar." She muttered to herself, dropping both of their bags on the floor and slouching in her seat, rubbing her hands over her tired face. "Why'd you do this to yourself, Tori?" She mumbled, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Cause I wanted to die." Tori rasped, blinking slowly as she awoke. Jade robotically handed her a bottle of water.

"Well, I didn't want you too." She sighed, laying her head tiredly on the edge of the bed.

"It was driving me insane, Jade." Tori's voice was scratchy from crying. "The meds weren't doing anything."

"It wasn't the meds." Jade mumbled, her head down. "It wasn't you either. It was this lowlife of a sophomore called Truman Baker."

"What did I do to him?" Tori's voice rose in confusion.

"Nothing. He's just an asshole." Jade's voice was muffled by the bedspread.

"Jade…did you hurt him?" Tori turned to look concernedly at her friend. Jade shook her head without lifting her head.

"Beck's taking him to the police." She muffed.

"The police?" Tori gasped. Jade lifted her head, blinking blearily.

"Well, yeah." She stated adamantly. "They're gonna charge him."

"With what?" Tori's eyebrow furrowed in concern.

"Beck says…Criminal Harassment?" Jade reads off her phone, before slipping it back into her pocket. "It's not you, Tor…"

"I agree. It's definitely not you, Tori." Dr. Daniels strode into the room with her clipboard. "The type of voice as well as the manner with which you were harassed doesn't seem to match what you'd previously told me about the voices." She shook her head, consulting her clipboard. "How are you feeling?"

"Not…great." Tori sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. "I just…I don't understand why he would do this. I don't even know who he is."

"Maybe he needs to talk to someone about his tendency to be a fucking asshole." Jade offered, laying her head back down.

"Jade…" Tori chided, before looking back at Dr. Daniels. "Am I staying here?"

"Well that depends, what do you feel like doing?" The psychiatrist sat down beside her, setting down her clipboard.

"I wanna go home and never leave the house again." Tori whispered, staring at the ceiling.

"Tor…" Jade lifted her head and regarded her friend sadly. "That's my line…" Tori grimaced.

"Look, how about you go home and get a good night's sleep? And if you don't feel better by tomorrow, come back and we'll talk." Dr. Daniels suggested, picking up her clipboard. "Does that sound reasonable, Tori?"

"Yeah." Tori muttered, slipping into her shoes.

"Come on, Tor. Let's go home." Jade picked up their bags and followed her out the door. "Thanks, Kate." The blonde smiled.

* * *

"Tor?" Jade's voice floated softly to the bed where the singer lay, eyes focussed solely on the ceiling. Guitars filtered quietly from speakers in the background, and rain pounded steadily on the roof.

"Mm?" The brunette's eyes didn't leave their point of focus. After a long silence, Jade spoke again, turning her desk chair to face the bed.

"Do you really want to die?" The question hung in the silence, raw and stark. Tori's eyes closed, and she inhaled deeply. Jade waited, wondering with bated breath if she'd overstepped. After a long silence, she turned back to her computer, no longer expecting an answer.

"I did." Tori's voice was cracked, vulnerable. She hovered on the edge of tears, and forced herself to swallow, holding them back. Jade spun slowly back to face her. The two words hovered, seeming to echo in an enormous, bruised silence. Jade blinked, having not expected the truth. Tori's openness unnerved her, and she thought carefully about what to say.

"I'm sorry," was what Jade settled on. And she was. She was sorry she didn't notice the skinny sophomore earlier, sorry she didn't notice Tori slowly breaking down. Sorry she didn't see the impending depression in the last couple of days, or the signs that led to the suicide attempt. Being nice, paying compliments; those were things Tori had taught her, things she didn't know how to or want to do. But those signs, those were things she was familiar with. She was familiar with breaking down, anxiety, depression, and suicide attempts. She'd failed the brunette. Her best friend.

"It's not your fault." Tori intoned flatly, eyes closed. It scared her, how empty and _blank_ the singer looked, lying motionless on her bed. The words didn't make Jade feel any better; guilt settled, heavy, over the Goth, and she turned away, staring unseeingly at her computer. Tears of shame burned at the back of her eyes and her throat, but she refused to let them emerge, typing furiously, even though she had enough written for her homework. It was a long time before anyone spoke again, but Tori was the one who broke the silence. "I don't know how you do this every day." The monotone was eerie. Finally, Jade gave in and shut her computer, walking over to sit beside Tori on the bed.

"Please, just tell me I haven't fucked up for good." She pleaded, her eyes bright with tears, barely restrained. At that, Tori's eyes cracked open.

"Not at all." She replied immediately, placing a cold hand over Jade's. "You didn't fuck up at all." She said firmly, her thumb tracing healing cuts on the Goth's wrist. Jade slipped her hand from under Tori's and strode from the room, locking herself in the adjoining bathroom. Tears broke free and slipped down her cheeks, falling to the counter as she leaned on her hands, hunched over and shaking silently from sobs. She lowered herself to the floor, back to the cabinet under the sink, and lowered her face into her hands, weeping. She sat there long after the tears had stopped, her head flooded with things she could have done differently and things that had gone wrong. _I thought I could help her, but how can I, when I'm barely keeping it together, myself?_ The thought popped to the front of her mind, and she shook her head. _Stupid girl, you should have known you couldn't do it._

* * *

"You can say all you want, mother. There's nothing you can say to me that I haven't already said to myself or had somebody say to me the past couple of weeks." Tori laughed humourlessly, as her mother stood at the foot of the bed.

"You're a disgrace. How could you do this to your family? The shame of everyone knowing that my own daughter ran away because she said she heard voices inside her head. Do you have any idea how absurd the notion is?" The shrill voice rang out, echoing in Tori's mind.

"It's not a_ notion_, mother. There are people with _degrees_ that study it and find solutions for the disease." Tori rolled her eyes, resolutely fixing them on the ceiling.

"Is that what you think you have? A disease?" Her mother asked in disbelief. "Stop lying to everyone and come home, you ungrateful little –"

"—bitch? Language, mother. We wouldn't want anybody to think you were crass, would we?" Tori smirked, mocking her.

"I raised you, you ungrateful child! I put a roof over your head, fed you, loved you –"

"—loved me? LOVED ME?" It was the straw that broke the camel's back. "In what alternate reality were you _ever_ the doting, loving parent you claim to be?!" She yelled, shooting up into a sitting position. "In what society does loving a child consist of locking her in a goddamned room because the voices in her head were 'just a phase'?!" Her voice rose in volume as she became increasingly agitated. "How can you stand there and tell me that you loved me? How can you look me in the eye and tell me I should be grateful?" Angry tears sprang into her eyes as the fire raged in them. "I thought you would have at least come to see me when I was _hospitalised_." She cried, her body wracked with sobs. "Instead I was told I had conjured you out of my _imagination_! That's how desperate I was for someone, _anyone at all_, to tell me that they loved me!" Her voice cracked as she cried, and her throat became raw as she screamed. She was still screaming when Jade burst in, tackling her to the bed, rocking her and whispering calming words to her. "She doesn't love me!" Tori mumbled to Jade sadly, as her sobs died down. Jade rolled off of her and sat on the edge of the bed.

"You don't need her. Plenty of people love you." She said softly, handing Tori a box of tissues. There was a silence while Tori blew her nose, and when she was done, Jade spoke again. "You need to go see Dr. Daniels." Tori looked up, surprised.

"I'm fine, see? There's nothing wrong –"

"—your mother was never here, Tor." The words cut through Tori's protests, and the singer stood still, shocked.

"W-what?" She stammered, a hand rising to cover her mouth.

"You had another episode. And Dr. Daniels said to bring you back if it didn't feel right. So I think we should go back." Jade stood and grabbed her car keys. Tori didn't move. "You coming?" Silence greeted her question.

"Tomorrow morning. I swear." Tori didn't move towards the door. "Just let me stay here tonight." She pleaded, scrunching a tissue in her hand. Jade sighed, and tossed her car keys back onto her desk.

"Fine. But tomorrow morning I'm bringing you back."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Next chapter is going to be the last; thanks so much for reading and sticking with me, guys. Peace.**

* * *

It was a quick visit the next morning; Dr. Daniels had decided to jot down the details from the episode down and tweak her meds, so Tori and Jade were back at school by second period. Unconsciously, Tori gripped Jade's forearm when Cat and Andre approached.

"What?" Jade hissed venomously, in pain. Tori let go of her arm as if she had been burned.

"Sorry." She mumbled, looking quickly away from her friends.

"Uh, Tori left something in the car. Let's go get it, Tori." Jade yanked on the singer's arm and dragged her towards her car. "What?" Jade hissed again, when they got to the parking lot.

"I…I don't want to be here." Tori muttered, fidgeting nervously.

"None of us _want_ to be here." Jade rolled her eyes, irritated.

"I feel like everyone's watching me and my skin's crawling." Tori snapped angrily. "It's not funny." Jade fell silent, thoughtful. Suddenly, she snatched the blue and white paper cup from the singer.

"Don't drink this." She dropped it in the trash. "Stay here." She returned with an identical cup and thrust it into Tori's hand. "Here." The singer froze, confused. After a long silence, she spoke.

"Are you gonna make me ask…?"

"You probably forgot your Klonopin this morning." Jade explained. "Coffee definitely doesn't help with the anxiety."

"So…what's this…?" Tori looked curiously at the cup, taking a sip. "Hot chocolate."

"The cups look the same, so nobody's going to notice unless they stick their nose right up to your face." Jade clarified, slinging her bag over her shoulder as the bell rang. "Come on, we're late. We'll take the other children to lunch today so we can swing by the house so you can get your meds."

* * *

"Come along, children, pile into the cars and we'll go have a nice lunch." Jade cooed, as the group walked into the parking lot. Beck was taking everybody else in his car, so Jade and Tori could swing by the house. "Tori's paying. Isn't that exciting?" Jade winked, as everyone cheered.

"I hate you." Tori hissed, as she dropped her bag into the backseat.

"What was that?" Andre called.

"I said I love you all." Tori yelled back, pasting a very convincing, if not slightly strained, smile onto her face. Jade chuckled from inside the car, yelping as Tori punched her arm.

* * *

Later that night, Tori was lying on the bed, as usual, when forty dollars was suddenly dropped unceremoniously onto her face.

"Hey! What gives?" She sat up, sputtering, five dollar bills floating down to the floor. Jade stood over her, smirking.

"It's raining money. Paying for half of the food today." She turned and threw herself into the armchair sitting in the corner of the room, sighing. She hung her head off one arm and threw her legs up over the other arm.

"What's up?" Tori crossed her legs on the bed.

"Nothing, just...haven't been feeling so hot lately." The Goth closed her eyes. "Life is tiring."

"You want to talk about it?" Tori asked hesitantly. Jade was not known for being particularly open about her life. There was a brief silence.

"I don't know…" She sighed, sitting up. "Beck doesn't really get it. I mean, he tries to be understanding but it's a little hard to imagine, I guess." Tori chewed on her lip thoughtfully as she listened.

"To be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure I understand either." She said, after a pause. "It wouldn't be fair to say that just cause I hear voices, I get it." She fidgeted nervously, not quite sure if Jade would appreciate her frankness.

"Yeah, I get it." Jade sighed, leaning her head back tiredly. "Maybe I should go back to the hospital and have Dr. Daniels prescribe me something instead. I'm not entirely sure my current psychiatrist has my…best interest in mind anymore."

"What do you mean?" Tori asked, concerned.

"I dunno, I just feel like these past couple of times I've dropped by, she's been all about filling in the prescription and getting the hell out of there as fast as possible. I mean, I get that she's in high demand, especially since she did the talk show about stigma and mental illness, but I kinda don't feel like she has time for me, you know?" Jade huffed, pressing her palms into her eyes. After a long silence, Tori spoke again.

"You haven't been sleeping." She murmured hesitantly, not sure if she was overstepping. Jade groaned in irritation, not moving.

"How did you know?" She sighed, cracking an eye open to look at Tori.

"I hear you tossing and turning." Tori mumbled. "I'm not sleeping well either. Also, you've been drinking a lot of coffee. Like, way more than usual."

"I don't get how you can do it with one cup of coffee a day." Jade shook her head in disbelief. "Also, how do you know I've been drinking a shit ton of coffee?"

"Jade, I'm around you all the time. Wefreaking _live_ in the same house. I can count. You have one with breakfast, you take one to school, you get one at lunch, and you get one when school is over. And don't even get me started on the coffee you drink when we're out." Tori counted off her fingers.

"It could be worse." Jade snickered.

"It could. But it's pretty bad now." The singer raked a hand through her hair, sighing. "Why aren't you sleeping at night?" Jade fell silent, looking at Tori reproachfully.

"Nightmares." She spat bitterly. Tori's eyes widened, and she looked shocked. "I've had them ever since my parents got divorced."

"But that was –"

"—a year ago? I'm aware. Exactly two hundred and eighty-six days. Pathetic, right? Especially since it was my fault." Jade muttered bitterly.

"How is that your fault?" Tori questioned softly, not wanting to further anger the girl.

"I already told you before, didn't I? I was depressed, and then my dad left cause he didn't want to handle it. Sending a check every now and again doesn't make up for leaving." Tori fell silent, choosing her words carefully before she spoke.

"Your mother loves you." She offered quietly, and there was a long silence. "I love you." Jade's head snapped up. Tori opened her arms, and Jade ran into them, sobbing into her shoulder. "I got you. I'll be here for you, Jade. Always."

* * *

"I think you should tell Beck." Tori yawned, as they got into the car at six-thirty, as usual. Jade snuffled sleepily, taking a swig of coffee before starting the car.

"Nah." She grunted tiredly, as they backed out of the driveway.

"I'll tell him." Tori rolled down her window to get the wind through her hair to dry it.

"No you won't. Why won't you stop talking about this?" Jade snapped, and Tori handed her the travel mug.

"You're snarky without coffee. Drink." Silence as Jade took a swallow of coffee. "I think you guys are great together, but these past couple of weeks have been hard on him." Jade glanced quickly at her.

"What?" Her voice rose, panicked.

"Well, yeah. It's common sense, isn't it? You've been driving me to and from the hospital all the freaking time. And it's not like you guys get to spend quality time together anymore now that I'm living in your house. I think you should sit down, have a nice dinner, and talk about your depression." Tori sipped from her tumbler, passing a hand through her hair.

"Well, that's a relationship solution I haven't heard before." Jade drawled, slapping Tori's hand as she tried to change the song on the Goth's iPod. "I like this one."

"You should do it. I don't think he knows what he's supposed to be doing with himself." Tori hissed in pain. "Why the _fuck_ are we listening to Smashing Pumpkins in the morning?"

"When else would we listen to Smashing Pumpkins?" Jade gave back, challenging. "I think it's a good idea, except for the dinner part. I hate having serious conversations in public."

"In the afternoon, when we're angry at everyone." Tori rolled her eyes, finding her playlist on the screen and starting it up. "So have it at home. We can cook before he gets there, and then I'll get out of the house for the night and hang out with Cat or something. It's not like your mom will mind, she's been filming all week."

"Why is it so…happy?!" Jade growled, pulling into a parking space. "Sounds like a plan. I'll ask him."

"Because it's 7 in the freaking morning and I need to be awake, Jade." Tori sighed, exasperated, as she got out of the car. "Good. It'll be good for you guys."

"I sure hope you know what the fuck you're doing."

"Don't I always?"

"Do you want me to answer that?"

"No…"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Last chapter, guys. Thanks for sticking with the story. Remember, if you ever feel alone, there's always someone you can talk to. Call up a good friend or talk to a parent, or even call a help line. Your life means a lot, and if you don't believe anybody around you thinks so, I do. So thanks for reading! Peace.**

* * *

"So, what exactly were you thinking, menu-wise?" Tori snapped an elastic around her ponytail, rolling up her sleeves. The scent of baking bread wafted around the house; Jade having already put a loaf in the oven.

"A nice salad with the bread, and then a fettuccine alfredo with seared prawns and the apple pie you made earlier?" Jade pulled prawns out of the refrigerator as Tori nodded, filling a large pot with water and setting it onto the stove. As she waited for the water to boil, she rinsed down the lettuce and set the leaves in a colander to drain.

"You figure out how you're gonna talk to him yet?" Tori asked hesitantly, not sure how Jade was feeling.

"Yeah. I just…I don't want him to freak out, you know?" Jade said nervously, melting some butter in a pan.

"I think you should give him a little credit." Tori took the dried pasta from its box and dropped it into the pot of boiling water. Jade furrowed her brow, searing the prawns.

"I'm not…_not_ giving him credit…it's just…" Jade said hesitantly, grabbing a bowl to place the seafood into. "It's scary."

"But…how is it different than talking to me?" Tori stirred the pasta, letting it cook.

"I don't know. It was scary with you, too." Jade frowned, turning off the element under the pan. She leaned against the counter, thoughtful. Tori frowned and melted some butter in a saucepan to prepare a sauce, while Jade dumped the lettuce into a salad bowl and poured the contents of the pot into the colander to drain the pasta. "But I think I've known him for longer. And he still doesn't know. So it feels…like I've been lying to him?" She ripped up the lettuce for the salad and turned as Tori chuckled. "What?" She snapped.

"Nothing. You're really violent with your salads." The singer snickered, and Jade rolled her eyes, pulling open the fridge and handing her the cream. "Thanks. I just think that maybe you're psyching yourself out." Tori turned to Jade, who was grating cheese. The Goth quirked an eyebrow.

"How's that?" Jade handed her the cheese, and Tori whisked it into the pan.

"He loves you." Tori said simply, shrugging, crushing a clove of garlic and throwing it into the pan as well. "Beck doesn't strike me as the type of guy to bail just because you're depressed."

"I guess…" Jade dumped the pasta into the pan and Tori handed her the saucepan. The Goth tossed the pasta over a low heat, combining it with the sauce.

"There's nothing different about you except for the fact that you're kind of giving him a reason for your…behaviour." Tori pulled out salad dressing from the fridge and tossed the salad, throwing in some croutons. She turned, leaning against the counter, to look at Jade. "Right?"

"I don't know…" Jade sighed, rolling her eyes. "If I knew, I wouldn't be this nervous, would I? Prawns." Tori handed her the bowl, pulling the bread from the oven as it rang shrilly.

"Well, maybe you're unconsciously preparing yourself for the worst case scenario?" The singer suggested, pulling out the pie from the refrigerator. "You want me to put the pie in?"

"Nah, I can do it myself later." Jade shook her head. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Plates." Tori handed them to her and hopped onto the counter, legs dangling.

"I'm always right." Jade loaded up the plates and placed them in the oven to keep them warm. When the Goth didn't turn around, Tori hopped down from the counter. "Hey." She placed a hand on Jade's shoulder. "It's gonna be fine. We both love you enormously." Jade turned around and sighed.

"I really hope you're right." But in her eyes swam desperation and fear. Tori gave her a quick hug, as Jade's phone buzzed. "He's on his way." Tori smiled and grabbed her bag before giving her best friend's hand a quick squeeze.

"You'll be fine." The singer reassured. "I'm going to the library to get some work done. Call me when it's okay for me to come back."

"Tor?" Jade called, as her friend walked out the door. Tori turned. "Thanks."

"Always."

* * *

"That was fantastic." Beck grinned, placing down his cutlery as he finished the last of his pie. "You didn't make that pie, did you? I've never had your apple pie before."

"Nope, that was all Tori." Jade smiled, clearing away the dishes and returning with a pitcher of water. She sat down across from him and clasped her hands nervously.

"So…I'm assuming that you have something to discuss with me." Beck looked up expectantly, placing his napkin onto the table.

"Can't a girl surprise her boyfriend with a nice dinner?" Jade laughed nervously, fidgeting. "Actually, though, there was something I wanted to tell you."

"Does it have anything to do with the weird behaviour these past couple of weeks and avoiding me?" Beck smiled, placing a hand gently on top of hers.

"Kinda." Jade sighed, brushing her fingers over her hair. "Tori said I should just come out and tell you. That you'd appreciate it."

"I would. But you don't have to. Everyone is entitled to their secrets." Beck smoothed a thumb over the top of her hand.

"Not this, though. She's right. You should know. I just…don't be mad or upset that I didn't tell you before." Jade pleaded.

"I wouldn't." Beck shook his head. "I love you, Jade. You know that." Jade ducked her head, hiding a small smile.

"A year ago, my parents got a divorce. And I know that it seems like history has been repeating itself these past couple of weeks because of Tori, but it's not. I'd been depressed way before they decided to split. When they decided to split, it got way worse, before Tori and my mom decided that I needed to go see a psychiatrist. So, I've been taking an antidepressant to help me with my emotional stability. For like a year now." Jade explained, still not meeting Beck's eyes. "These past couple of weeks haven't been about me, though. This has nothing to do with my depression. And it's not my place to divulge exactly what's been going on, but I think maybe Tori will explain it when she gets back." There was a long silence; Jade's heart pounded loudly in her chest, and she wondered briefly if she was having a heart attack.

"My opinion of you has never changed in the three years we've been dating." Beck started slowly, choosing his words carefully. "And the fact that you're on antidepressants doesn't turn me off. You're still beautiful, you're still caring to the people you love most, and I love you." He smiled, as Jade looked up, surprised. "Yeah. I still love you. And I don't think your personality has changed much since the divorce." Beck chuckled. "But that's why I love you. I love everything about you. And nothing's going to change that." He got up and opened his arms, grunting a little as Jade threw herself into them, laughing. She pressed her lips against his, looping her arms around his neck.

"I love you." She whispered, laying her head on his chest. After a while, she pulled out her phone and called Tori. "Tori? Yeah, I wanted you to explain to him yourself. Okay. You're outside?"

"Yeah, the library closed and I had nowhere to go, so I just sat outside." Tori strode into the house. "Hey, Beck. How was dinner?" She waved.

"Fantastic." He groaned, rubbing his stomach dramatically. "Though I may ask for apple pie on a regular basis." He grinned.

"I'm down. I love to bake. I'll make you cookies, too." Tori giggled, collapsing on the couch. "So what did you want to know?"

"I told him you'd explain why I haven't really been available these past couple of days." Jade said, making a cup of coffee. "You're doing the dishes, by the way."

"Okay. Come sit, Beck. Wait, not okay to the dishes." Tori narrowed her eyes at Jade and patted the space on the couch next to her. Beck made his way around the couch to sit. "First of all, I should apologize. I know it's been a tough couple of weeks, but I needed Jade. She was taking me to the hospital regularly, because I needed to see the psychiatrist, just until they can get my meds tweaked right." Beck nodded understandingly.

"I don't…know if I can ask this, so if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to." Beck said, hesitantly. "But how are you doing? And what happened?"

"Of course you can ask. I owe it to you, anyway, for not telling you earlier. Basically, I've been hearing voices in my head. So the psychiatrist has been helping me with my hallucinations and stuff so I can get through the day without feeling like my head's gonna explode." Tori said easily, putting her feet on the coffee table. Jade walked by and nudged her feet down. "Hey!" The Goth settled in beside her boyfriend with a hot cup of coffee and handed him a mug of tea. "What about me?"

"You're telling a story. You don't need a drink." Jade smirked. She gestured vaguely with her hand. "Carry on."

"That's all I wanted to say…" Tori looked confused.

"But are you okay now?" Jade repeated the question for Beck's sake.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine now. Don't worry about me, Beck!" Tori smiled, getting up to pour herself a glass of water.

"Tori?" Beck asked, and the singer turned.

"Yeah?"

"Is there anything…I can do?" He asked.

"Well, I think what you _have_ been doing has been really helpful to Jade and I, so…I guess whatever you've been doing for the past couple of weeks?" Tori shrugged, taking a sip of water from her glass. "You've been really great about this whole thing, so thanks, Beck." She smiled, returning to her seat.

"That is, quite literally, the least that I can do, since I have no idea how difficult it must be to come out and talk about it, let alone go back to school." Beck shook his head in disbelief. "You two are the bravest girls I know." Tori laughed and gave him a hug, before moving to wash the dishes.

"Thanks, Beck." Jade kissed him on the cheek and they settled down to watch some TV.

* * *

Later that night, the girls were upstairs finishing up some homework when they heard Jade's mom come home.

"Girls? Will you come downstairs for a sec?" Melissa called, setting down her keys.

"One sec, Mom!" Jade called back, before gesturing to Tori to head downstairs. When they got downstairs, there was a stack of Styrofoam take-out boxes on the table.

"What's this?" Tori asked, as they took a seat.

"Well, I know it's been a difficult couple of weeks, especially with this shoot being at such a horrible time." Melissa started, setting down a stack of plates and some forks. "But I wanted to do something nice for you girls. So I brought home some dessert. But before we dive in, I just wanted to tell you that I love you both enormously, and no matter how sad you are, and how tough it seems, I'll always be here for you. It's important for me to say to you guys that I love you regardless, and not despite what some people might think are your faults. I love everything about you two." Tori smiled, and stood to give her a hug.

"I'm so thankful that you're in my life." Tori murmured, before sitting down. Melissa gave Jade an expectant look. The Goth huffed, irritated, before giving her mother a quick hug.

"I love you." Jade grumbled, before sitting down again.

"I love you guys, too." Tori smiled, grabbing a fork. "Always."


End file.
